For Daniel

Oh, Akin... Marie, Airiin, Nareg... and you so close to him, what could I possibly say to you? They say that the one thing harder to understand than death is the sorrow of others, and I can't even begin to imagine your pain.

I'm writing this for Daniel, trying to cope with these devastating, impossible news. I won't say as a friend, because we never were, and he's not here to correct me for claiming to be. The thing was, not being his friend was fine. As long as I knew that my classmate was happy and living his life.

I saw it at 5 am Sunday morning. Just checking my email before going to work. And the words "Sad News" created a sinking feeling in my chest I've come to be a little too familiar with. Yet I never expected the name Daniel Ahlsén to greet me. I was unable to move at all, just staring at the screen in disbelief, hoping that somehow I could undo it, force the words away, do something. The helplessness was unbearable, I couldn't even stop the numbing pain and sadness that overtook me, and the fact that Daniel is gone, it still hasn't sunk in. It just can't be true. So what if we'd only meet in 10 years and say hi. I still want everyone to be safe and happy, and knowing that now Daniel will never get to do all that he wanted to do, that he died, no, I can't accept it. He was Daniel, I remember him, he's right there in the pages of my yearbook. And reading about his death so far away, that feeling of helplessness... a small bit of this feeling will stay with me forever, and I'll always wonder how it could be his name in that email.

Goodbye, Daniel. I didn't know you, but I wished you all the best. How can you not get that?


Selina